There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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