So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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