i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
