My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
