i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I am available for nakedness
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
