I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
