Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
