Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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