Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
