You made me cry and you don't even care
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
