I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
