Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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