I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We are all done wearing pants today
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize