oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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