Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
