yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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