it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My bed smells like the plague
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
