It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im holly from the hills drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
