this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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