the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
