How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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