He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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