A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
