hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
