I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
