fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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