we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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