i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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