why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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