got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm bleeding and have questions
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
