Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
