Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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