dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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