i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I am morally bankrupt
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
His nipple licking is glorious
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