M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
