She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
