Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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