just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
