I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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