dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
