I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
