Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
