highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
