The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
