I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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