I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
