I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
