she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
