Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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