Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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