My hand turned me down
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
