he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
