apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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