and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
His nipple licking is glorious
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