I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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