she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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