what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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