I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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