i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
