he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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