you guys were way drunker than both of me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
