Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
