Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
