therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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