so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
