Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
