I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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