wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
