and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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