Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
