Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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