What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
