my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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