His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
