Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
