You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
