no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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