When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
