Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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