Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
